The Yoda Complex
by Magnus McKay
Summary: It all starts with a simple yoga class... what could possibly go wrong for Tim there? Oh apart from his ex-missus...


Daisy Steiner calmly takes a deep breath, raising her hands into the air, bringing them together above her head and then bringing them down to just below her breasts. She take another deep breath and smiles to herself. She is completely content and happy, at least that's what she is telling herself in her head.

She opens her eyes and grimaces, the small London flat she'd been living in for the past year is a mess, there are stacks of comic books and half eaten takeaways strewn across every available surface, ashtrays are overflowing and there's a definite funk in the air that tells her Colin the dog had thrown up behind the washing machine again.

She shakes her head and adjusts herself on her yoga mat. Nothing, not the mess around her, not even the smell of freshly regurgitated kibble could ruin her Zen state. She is calm, controlled and relaxed. She raises her hands above her head again.

Behind her, her flatmate, Tim Bisley wanders out of his room in a half dazed, half still asleep state, his peroxide blonde hair in complete disarray. He freezes as Daisy drops her hands to below her breasts again and stares at the back of her head, his mouth gorping open in confusion. He looks back at his room as if he's walked through the wrong door and frowns. "Daisy, what are you doing?" he asks.

Daisy lets out a loud yell and jumps up from the yoga mat, grabbing hold of a two week old hard popadom from the table top and glaring at Tim. Tim throws his hands out and holds them out in front of himself. He can just imagine if the popadom was a Chinese throwing star and the damage it would do if it caught him in the face. Daisy however, lets her tense shoulders fall and she throws the popadom back down onto the table. She bends down and rolls up her yoga mat haphazardly and stuffs it under her arm.

"Again I ask, what were you doing?" Tim asks, still perplexed by his roommates strange behaviour.

"I was practicing my yoga." Daisy replies with a wrinkle of her nose.

Tim nods his head once, shrugs and walks across to the TV, switching it on and flopping down on the sofa.

"I'm trying to be a more healthier me." Daisy continues, not really realising that Tim is engrossed in the animated Batman show on the TV.

"Yoga is perfect, it teaches me to be more balanced, calmer," her eyes flick over to Tim and her eyes narrow, "ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME TIM?!"

Tim flinches away from her and gives her a 'what-the-fuck' look.

"Yeah, yeah… yoda, whatever…" he replies staring at her blankly.

"It's yoga Tim…" she replies with a sigh.

She flops onto the sofa next to him and looks around the room. It truly is a mess.

"You know this really doesn't promote a sense of health and wellbeing." she says, trying to engage Tim in conversation again.

"Has the dog thrown up behind the washer again?" he asks, not taking his eyes off the tele.

"Yeah…" Daisy replies, trailing off.

"Well that definitely doesn't promote health… you'd best clean it up or Brian'll be up here wanting to paint a triptych with it like he did last week." Tim replies with a shudder at the particular memory in question.

Daisy wrinkles her nose.

"Can't you do it?" she asks pleadingly.

"It's your dog."

"It's OUR dog… and anyway it's your washing machine."

"No it isn't, it was here when we moved in." Tim replies with a slight smile.

"Oh…" Daisy replies frowning at the washing machine in confusion, "Why was I taking all my clothes to the laundrette then?"

Tim glances away from her shiftily. Was he really willing to tell her that he'd sent her packing off to the laundrette every Thursday afternoon when they first moved in, so he could walk around the flat naked because Sarah never let him and he'd forgotten what it felt like, and that one week the paper boy had seen him through the window and Tim had to bribe him £20 not to tell Daisy? No, no… that would open up a whole can of worms, maybe he could subtly change the subject. Tim shrugs at Daisy, still looking shifty.

"So you up to much today?" he asks with a smile. "I'm going to yoga with Marsha," Daisy brightens at a fantastic thought, "Hey you should come with us!"

"What? Do you really think I want to spend my Saturday morning in a room with a room full of women bending and stretching, while letting of inordinate amounts of weapons grade gas? No thank you!"

"The instructor doesn't wear a bra…" the rest of Daisy's sentence is lost as Tim stares off into space.

_The wood panelled yoga room is full of beautiful women bending and stretching all with huge tits and no bras. The instructor is a leggy blonde beauty in a small leotard that shows off every angle of her slender body. She strongly reminds him of a white, blonde Storm from X-Men. She beckons a dreamy eyed Tim towards her with a long finger and he happily obliges to help her bend over. She moans as he leans over her, 'Tim, Tim…'_

"TIM!" yells Daisy, bored of being ignored.

She clouts him with her yoga mat and he shakes his head, rousing himself out of his daydream with reluctance.

"Okay, sure I'll come with you." he says, a dreamy look still in his eyes.

Daisy makes a little 'yay' jump and heads to her room.

"Oh and Tim, next time you walk around the flat naked, remember to bribe the Post Man..." she calls to him from her room.

Tim squeezes his eyes shut, "Shit!"


End file.
